Christine Sutton

Tonight, December 13, 2009 around 5pm a wonderful Christian wife, mother, friend and woman went home to be with her Lord and Savior. Christine Sutton was a blessing and an inspiration to me in more ways than I can ever express.
She lived far beyond what the Dr.s ever said she would ever be able to. She was so very sick and yet she had the sweetest spirit and trusted God. She was willing to stay here or go home to Heaven. Whatever God wanted, however God could best use her, that is what she wanted.
I will never forget the last time to I saw her. Some of her friends and her daughters went to see her for her Birthday last month and we sang to her. Read verses from the Bible. Gave her cards, gifts and balloons. But my best memory is when I got ready to leave and bent over to hug her goodbye and she ran her frail hand thru my hair over and over, with tears in her eyes and told me she loved me and to always keep my joy and my smile. I will always treasure that small moment of time together. We knew we were telling each other goodbye as we looked in each other's eyes. It was at the same time the sweetest and the saddest goodbye I have ever had.
Goodbye my Dear Friend, My Sweet Christine, I shall see you in Heaven.

Papua New Guinea

Well, it came as no surprise to me when my big brother Dewayne and his family reached the point of saying that they are going back to PNG. I have been expecting it for 8 years now! In fact I was surprised, thrilled but surprised, when they moved up here to Alaska this year as I had figured they would go back to PNG if they went anywhere. But two Sunday's ago, at Mission's Conference, Dewayne told everyone that they are going back and I am so very happy for them!!

Twenty-Two Years

Wow, it is 10/10/2009! That may not be a signifigant date for most of the world but to me it is a milestone in my life! Twenty-two years ago today I married the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I was 18 years old, young and niaeve. I loved him with my whole heart! With all of me that there was to give, I gave to him. As far as I was concerned it was for life.

But my dreams and wishes were not to come true. I hung on for 12 years. Seven more than he wanted. On our fith anniversary he told me he didn't love me and didn't want to be married to me any more but I couldn't and wouldn't believe it. So I tortured him and made us both missrable by forcing him to stay married to me for the next seven years.

They were very unhappy years for both of us. Most of those years were spent apart and the little bit of time we were together we were fighting and misrable. The ONLY good thing that came out of those last seven years together was my son Mathew. God in His graciousness saw fit to give me a treasure that has been the joy of my heart and life for the last fourteen years. So I can't be sorry for the years. They weren't wasted. But they are poinantly sad especially on this day every year when I remember the young girl filled with dreams of the perfect life with her prince charming.

Sunday Morning SunShine?

Thankful I get to go to church this AM. Sad I can't go to Sunday School. I'm up but my hands are shaking with the pain so I'm having to take some meds and James is making me wait an hour then he will drive me in. Slow typing, but bette...r than sitting and feeling sorry for my self. I wish Sunday school was online also...My verse this morning is, "Be careful for nothing but in EVERTHING by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING (the part I often forget)let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, whech passeth all understanding, shall keep ...your hearts and MINDS through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:6-7 (The bold words are the words God is working on me with today!!) These verses with my sister, Myra's lesson yesterday have really worked on me and my attitude about where I am physicaly and accepting it as where God wants me, it is no accident... My attitude about it is the issue!

Permitted to Have a Permit!

Well, I guess I have to face it my "baby", my first born son, the child I cried and prayed for for 7 long years is no longer a little kid. He is growing up! Yesterday I took him in and he got his drivers permit! I can't believe he is old enough to learn how to drive a minivan already!

But he has his permit, signed, sealed by the state of Alaska and delivered into his hip pocket via his wallet! Gone is the ID card from 5 years ago when he looked like such a baby. (I kept that!) Now he is rarin' to go!

He drove me part way home from the DMV yesterday after getting it. And today he drove a friend's truck to the city dump and back! I feel like I need to catch my breath! I want to enjoy every moment of him growing up and yet I want to stop time and never let him get any older. Once in a while I wish I could step back in time and hold my "baby" once again. But all in all I am very happy for and proud of my wonderful son, Mathew!

"Mousie" No More!!

At a very young age, like my Mom, I started to get some grey hair but I had enough other colors, (Charlie once counted and found 14) to make them not real noticable at first. But after 12 years of a not so good marriage, LOL, and a divorce I had a LOT of grey hair!

By year 5 in the marriage, the first time Charlie told me he didn't love me I walked to Safeway and bought a box of hairdye for the first time and dyed my hair. I bought the wrong color of course!....... My hair was FLAMING orange! It was horrid!
Charlie didn't even notice that I had done anything and Kenney asked if I had bought a new blouse! LOL
The next day I went back to Safeway and got another color and tried again. It ended up way to dark of a red but it was way better then ORANGE!

From that day on I dyed my hair. Not a lot at first, but just enough to cover the grey and as close as I could get to my natural color. Then as the years went on and I became a single mom it became more about the cheapest brand I could buy and that often turned out burgandy or some other wild color!

James has salt and pepper hair that is beautiful black and silver as does my mom. And so when my Mom suggested that I was almost 40 I should grow out the red and go natural I did. It took a long time. First James cut 13 inches off for me to send to locks of love. Then my Mom gave me a hair cut and kept it trimmed for me as it grew out over the next year. Then I turned 40 in January and it has been finally getting a little length back on it. Not a lot because my hair grows so very slow. Then in the store (Safeway in fact) Mathew told me I should dye my hair back to red that I looked mousie with the grey and I even act more mousie now. He said I should wait 10 years until it is all grey and beautiful like Mamaw's to grow it out again!

So today I dyed my hair back red again and I am glad I did! I like it.

Salvation

The day each of my three children got saved is etched in my heart as clearly as the day they were born! The joy and peace that comes with knowing one of your children has trusted Christ as their Savior is almost as sweet as you very own in my humble opinion.
Where did this comment come from? I heard from some dear friends that their daughter had gotten saved in the last few days and it brought, once again, to my mind the joy and overwhelming peace I felt each and every time one of my own came to the Saviour.
Congratulations Mike and Heidi!

My Mother/Daughter Day

Sometimes I find that I have to step back and take a long look at the young lady who is my daughter. She is growing so fast, gone are the baby days and her toddler ways. I know she is only nine but she is amazing to me.

She has come so far this year with her dyslexia. She is already reading at her grade level! She doesn't even consider dyslexia as anything other than the "different way my eyes see the words sometimes" which is her simplified way of explaining it. Thankfuly in the christian school we have her in there hasn't been any teasing or cruelty, the only problem we have had has been with our niece Victoria who lives with us part time, she has a tendancy to give Joanna a really hard time if we don't keep an eye out. She likes to tease Joanna about being able to read better than her even though Joanna is older....or maybe because Jo is older?!?!

Joanna, or Jojo, is tall and slender for her age. Growing taller all the time! She has a wide, sweet smile. Big, beautiful, blue eyes that well up with huge glistening tears at the drop of a hat(It doesn't matter if she is hurting, sad, sorry, worried about someone....). Her laugh is contagious and I would stand on my head just to hear her giggle! Which doesn't take a lot cause she is a very happy child.

My daughter loves music. She loves to listen to it. She wants to learn to play the piano. She adores singing. She has already sang in two or three specials (trio's) at the church as well as doing parts in her Sundayschool programs. She loves to spin round and round.

Dressing up is a wonderful thing as far as Jojo is concerned! Whether for play or for real! But she isn't above a pair of jeans and fishing or biking either. I hope this means I am raising a well rounded girl! She has very eclectic taste when dressing herself for every day. Two days ago she had on a purple floral skirt over mauve, velour, striped sweats with an orange and pink hoodie top, green earings and a black & pink flowered headband. All with black dress up heels! (I think she might be an artist!! LOL)

I got to take her to our Mother Daughter banquet the other night. (see picture). We had a wonderful time! Eating a fancy supper together off of real china. Wearing church clothes getting our picture taken together! It was good to get to talk to her and spend time with her. I guess it is obvious that I love her so very much and am very proud of her.

No matter how old she gets she will always be my little girl, but I want to do the best job I can to teach her to be as wonderful a woman as she is an adoreable girl. I just hope and pray I am up to the job God has put in front of me.

A New Chapter Has Begun!

Tonight I went to the very first meeting of the board for the new Kenai Peninsula Early Childhood Foundation (KPECF). It was a true honor to be called and asked to be on this board by a former boss and colleague of mine, Lauralee Peterson.
While unsure of my abilitiy to add anything useful to this board it was with great trepidation and excitement that I went to tonight's meeting, being still unsure when the meeting started of my answer.
But once the meeting was under way and I had met everyone my answer was a resounding YES!! While I am still somewhat concerned about keeping up with the others, I have been "out of the loop" for quite a while, I have a crazy scheduale, and because of my ongoing health issues I have a LOT of Dr's appt. But I felt that they were a cohesive group of women who are going to work together to get the job done that needs to be done and I am proud that I am able to be a part of this group.
So I am a proud member of the Kenai Peninsula Early Childhood Foundation!
To check us out go to our web site!

I Hate Pain!

I know... Everyone hates pain. But it has become such a part of every waking and even most of my sleeping moments that I sometimes feel I will go crazy just because I can't ever get away from it. It is never gone. It lets up, with medication, but even then I can still feel it in the background.

I HATE being less than the best that I can and should be for James and the kids and the church and my friends. I can't stand watching my housework go undone or wait until James and the kids can get it done.

I know I keep saying hate and can't stand and feel and all the selfish words that make this blog all about me but at this moment I am feeling very selfish and selfpitying. I just want to be "Me" again.

I know that God has a reason for allowing me to be where I am right now in my life, so I am trying not too complain. After all, I've survived cervical cancer and ovarian cancer. And I am letting pain be my thorn that drives me to my knees. I am very ashamed of myself, and yet when I am wracked with pain, I have a hard time focusing on what I should.

I look at towers of strength like Christine who don't complain no matter what and I feel like such a failure that I can't even make it thru one cotton-pickin' day without whinning.

How do I overcome this? I don't know. This is my ongoing battle and I will see if I can keep posting as I learn.

First of Many?

I don't even know if I can or want to Blog, but it is 2am and I am the only one of 16 people in the house awake and so I am on the computer because it is the only thing I can do without waking someone up right now.

We have people in every room in the house except the bathrooms and the dining room and kitchen. It is fun but also very busy! Bathroom time is very interesting to say the least!! And don't even get me started on showers and getting everyone ready for church! Fun times 16!!!