Saturday, April 25, 2009

I Hate Pain!

I know... Everyone hates pain. But it has become such a part of every waking and even most of my sleeping moments that I sometimes feel I will go crazy just because I can't ever get away from it. It is never gone. It lets up, with medication, but even then I can still feel it in the background.

I HATE being less than the best that I can and should be for James and the kids and the church and my friends. I can't stand watching my housework go undone or wait until James and the kids can get it done.

I know I keep saying hate and can't stand and feel and all the selfish words that make this blog all about me but at this moment I am feeling very selfish and selfpitying. I just want to be "Me" again.

I know that God has a reason for allowing me to be where I am right now in my life, so I am trying not too complain. After all, I've survived cervical cancer and ovarian cancer. And I am letting pain be my thorn that drives me to my knees. I am very ashamed of myself, and yet when I am wracked with pain, I have a hard time focusing on what I should.

I look at towers of strength like Christine who don't complain no matter what and I feel like such a failure that I can't even make it thru one cotton-pickin' day without whinning.

How do I overcome this? I don't know. This is my ongoing battle and I will see if I can keep posting as I learn.

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