Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mathew Aaron ~ 17

Happy 17th birthday to Mathew!! It is so very hard to believe how the years have flown by! I can't imagine that it has been 17 years since that night I gave birth to the "Son of my Heart" I had prayed for for so very long! He is such a treasure and a blessing to me! But he is growing up WAY too fast and I see the day approaching when he will be gone and on his own in this big old world and I'M NOT READY!
I can't tell him that, I have to help, teach and let him become the man he is meant to be. Oh, but my heart is bleeding watching him grow up and knowing my time is growing shorter and shorter that he will still be "mine".
Seventeen years goes by too fast! I'm selfish and want more time! I didn't know that I would start missing him long before he even left! But every time he talks about what he wants to do and where he wants to go after he heart breaks a little more.
Happy Birthday my Darling Son! May we enjoy your last year of High School more than all the others put together!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Last night and today are a turn around for our family! The kids have spent the last 3 years taking care of me. But last night Andrew got the fastest cold I have ever seen! He was fine and 10 min. later his throat and nose was burning, he was running a fever, he had no voice, eyes and nose running, coughing... miserable! I gave him medicine and put him to bed where he slept for an hour or so and woke up even worse. So I was up all night with him. Pushing fluids, herbal teas, vitamins, giving vapor rub foot rubs...At 7:30am Mathew staggers in and same symptoms, with a whisper of a voice, my "Not even an Aspirin" boy said, "Mom, do you have ANYTHING I can take? I am sooo sick!" Herb tea was already made and I started the night over again with sick child/man #2. I hate that they are sick with every fiber of my being! BUT, I must admit that as painful and exhausting as it is...I am thankful for a chance to do for my kids a small portion of what they have done for me! The last three years have been so very hard on our family in so very many ways because of my health. It has changed the dynamics of our day to day life. It has been, and still is a very humiliating and humbling place to be, having to watch your family do what you should and WANT to do so very bad, on top of their own day to day busy lives.
It takes away all shreds of pride to be totally dependent on others for the very food, drink, socks, pillow, shower, hair-washing, etc. of simple day to day life that we all take for granted.
It is an experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and yet I still have such joy and peace in God! And such love and giving from my family! I hate that it has been so very hard on my husband and kids. This is the very last thing I would have imagined or wished for my family. "I" had other plans for what I was going to do with my kids during these few precious years before they are grown and gone. But for some reason. God has a better and different plan. I don't understand it, my husband doesn't understand it. My children for sure don't understand it! And while they love me, care for me and give to me with their whole hearts...understandably, sometimes they resent carrying such a heavy load and being "stuck" with doing all of my work plus theirs and having to babysit Mom all the time.
But they have done it with such sweet spirits for so very long! I am just thankful that God has given me the strength last night and today to give a tiny portion back in return and once again feel like "Momma" again instead of a helpless patient.
Now, I just pray my "babies" get well SOON!! I hate seeing them suffer!