Saturday, April 25, 2009

I Hate Pain!

I know... Everyone hates pain. But it has become such a part of every waking and even most of my sleeping moments that I sometimes feel I will go crazy just because I can't ever get away from it. It is never gone. It lets up, with medication, but even then I can still feel it in the background.

I HATE being less than the best that I can and should be for James and the kids and the church and my friends. I can't stand watching my housework go undone or wait until James and the kids can get it done.

I know I keep saying hate and can't stand and feel and all the selfish words that make this blog all about me but at this moment I am feeling very selfish and selfpitying. I just want to be "Me" again.

I know that God has a reason for allowing me to be where I am right now in my life, so I am trying not too complain. After all, I've survived cervical cancer and ovarian cancer. And I am letting pain be my thorn that drives me to my knees. I am very ashamed of myself, and yet when I am wracked with pain, I have a hard time focusing on what I should.

I look at towers of strength like Christine who don't complain no matter what and I feel like such a failure that I can't even make it thru one cotton-pickin' day without whinning.

How do I overcome this? I don't know. This is my ongoing battle and I will see if I can keep posting as I learn.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

First of Many?

I don't even know if I can or want to Blog, but it is 2am and I am the only one of 16 people in the house awake and so I am on the computer because it is the only thing I can do without waking someone up right now.

We have people in every room in the house except the bathrooms and the dining room and kitchen. It is fun but also very busy! Bathroom time is very interesting to say the least!! And don't even get me started on showers and getting everyone ready for church! Fun times 16!!!