Thursday, July 12, 2012

A Mother's Pain

I have sat up all night praying and crying and praying some more for some friends who are going through one of the worst nightmares a parent has. They are at the hospital with their tiny infant son who is very, very ill. The words heart, surgery, EKG...these words said when talking about your 1 month old are terrifying to parents.
When I heard it bothered me and I started praying for them right away, but I couldn't let it go and go to sleep. It just kept pressing on me. So I kept praying. Praying for God to heal this little body but also for God to be with this terrified Mother.
A couple of hours ago my husband woke up and came to find me and see if I was ok. I started to tell him the latest update and broke down in tears. I could hardly talk! It was like I was there with her feeling her pain and fear.
I told my husband this and we realized for the first time that I had never dealt with the time we had gone through a horrible health scare with our youngest when he was 10 days old and he actually died in the hospital bed next to me!
We had been at the hospital for two days and I had been up with him for three days straight. They could not figure out what was wrong but knew he was very sick so had him hooked to all the monitors. At about 1:30am the nurses finally talked my husband into going home to shower, check on our other two kids we hadn't seen in two days and get a few hours sleep. And convinced me to lay on the bed with Andrew beside me so that if anything went wrong I would be right there.
I went out in about one min. flat, twenty min. later I woke up and there were alarms going off, all the lights were on, there were three nurses and two Dr's working on my baby who was laying beside me NOT BREATHING and I was sound asleep!!!
They finally got him to take a breath and start breathing again after what seemed an eternity to me! I about lost my mind! I have never been so scared in my life! I called James and he had just gotten out of the shower and laid on the bed when the phone rang...he rushed back to the hospital!
Within a few hours they had a helicopter down here and Andrew and I were on our way to the NICU in Anchorage where they finally figured out he had Pneumonia, a urinary tract infection & a broken clavicle from when he was born that had never been found! His poor little body was full of infection!! It took a week in the hospital and the pneumonia effected his lungs so bad that he would just stop breathing! So he had to wear a heart and breathing monitor for about 3 months. Poor little guy, he was so pitiful with all the straps and wires attached to him and this huge box we had to carry around that set off a horrid alarm!
For about 5 months, even after the monitor said he was ok and we turned it in, we took turns sleeping and one of us was awake to watch him sleep at all times because we were so afraid of loosing him!
But I realized tonight that we were so busy with an 18 month old, a 6 yr old, a new born, my cancer & hysterectomy....etc, that I was too busy to ever fully stop and realize how very close I came that night to loosing the son that I had just spent nine months risking my very life to give birth to!
And tonight it hit me that we could have not had the last 10 years with our treasured son. If we had been home when he stopped breathing or many ifs. BUT God had a bigger and better plan and I am so very thankful for that gift (the second time) of my Baby Boy's life!!

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