I have sat up all night praying and crying and praying some more for some friends who are going through one of the worst nightmares a parent has. They are at the hospital with their tiny infant son who is very, very ill. The words heart, surgery, EKG...these words said when talking about your 1 month old are terrifying to parents.
When I heard it bothered me and I started praying for them right away, but I couldn't let it go and go to sleep. It just kept pressing on me. So I kept praying. Praying for God to heal this little body but also for God to be with this terrified Mother.
A couple of hours ago my husband woke up and came to find me and see if I was ok. I started to tell him the latest update and broke down in tears. I could hardly talk! It was like I was there with her feeling her pain and fear.
I told my husband this and we realized for the first time that I had never dealt with the time we had gone through a horrible health scare with our youngest when he was 10 days old and he actually died in the hospital bed next to me!
We had been at the hospital for two days and I had been up with him for three days straight. They could not figure out what was wrong but knew he was very sick so had him hooked to all the monitors. At about 1:30am the nurses finally talked my husband into going home to shower, check on our other two kids we hadn't seen in two days and get a few hours sleep. And convinced me to lay on the bed with Andrew beside me so that if anything went wrong I would be right there.
I went out in about one min. flat, twenty min. later I woke up and there were alarms going off, all the lights were on, there were three nurses and two Dr's working on my baby who was laying beside me NOT BREATHING and I was sound asleep!!!
They finally got him to take a breath and start breathing again after what seemed an eternity to me! I about lost my mind! I have never been so scared in my life! I called James and he had just gotten out of the shower and laid on the bed when the phone rang...he rushed back to the hospital!
Within a few hours they had a helicopter down here and Andrew and I were on our way to the NICU in Anchorage where they finally figured out he had Pneumonia, a urinary tract infection & a broken clavicle from when he was born that had never been found! His poor little body was full of infection!! It took a week in the hospital and the pneumonia effected his lungs so bad that he would just stop breathing! So he had to wear a heart and breathing monitor for about 3 months. Poor little guy, he was so pitiful with all the straps and wires attached to him and this huge box we had to carry around that set off a horrid alarm!
For about 5 months, even after the monitor said he was ok and we turned it in, we took turns sleeping and one of us was awake to watch him sleep at all times because we were so afraid of loosing him!
But I realized tonight that we were so busy with an 18 month old, a 6 yr old, a new born, my cancer & hysterectomy....etc, that I was too busy to ever fully stop and realize how very close I came that night to loosing the son that I had just spent nine months risking my very life to give birth to!
And tonight it hit me that we could have not had the last 10 years with our treasured son. If we had been home when he stopped breathing or if....so many ifs. BUT God had a bigger and better plan and I am so very thankful for that gift (the second time) of my Baby Boy's life!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Camping Food!!
Not a burrito but we went camping with friends a few years ago and they had breakfast planned. They had pre-split "Australia" biscuits (a softer version of an English muffin but we use English muffins when we do them) in a bag and ready to go. In another bag they had pre-scrambled three kinds of sausage (regular, hot and Italian) and then cooled and frozen it in a Ziploc in the cooler. Also in the cooler was a Ziploc of frozen cheese (cheddar, mozzarella and american). So we throw three bags of frozen items (bread, precooked sausage, and a mix of shredded and chunk ed cheese) in the cooler and off we go. The next morning they pull out a flat cookie sheet and a big pot and set them on the coals of the fire. He dumps the sausage in the pot and it starts heating up pretty quick. It is thawed and precooked so all we are looking for is HOT. Meanwhile, his wife tosses the split muffin halves on the flat pan and lets them start dry toasting and heating up. When the sausage is hot. He dumped the bag of cheese in the pan with it and pulled it back away from the hottest part of the fire. She flipped the lovely muffins over to toast on the other side, while he stirred in the cheese. Two min. later they said, "It's done!" And started scooping sausage and cheese on a muffin and putting a top on it, and passing them around! I thought it was going to be a huge mess!
But the Cheddar gave it tang, the Mozzarella made it string and stick together so it didn't fall out of the bun and the american added a wonderful creaminess to it! There were 5 couples on the trip, 10 adults and we all loved it and ate our fill! It has become a MUST have for at least 1 breakfast every year for our family weekly camping trip here in Alaska! This year I have added your burritos for morning #2!!
But the Cheddar gave it tang, the Mozzarella made it string and stick together so it didn't fall out of the bun and the american added a wonderful creaminess to it! There were 5 couples on the trip, 10 adults and we all loved it and ate our fill! It has become a MUST have for at least 1 breakfast every year for our family weekly camping trip here in Alaska! This year I have added your burritos for morning #2!!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Mathew Aaron ~ 17
Happy 17th birthday to Mathew!! It is so very hard to believe how the years have flown by! I can't imagine that it has been 17 years since that night I gave birth to the "Son of my Heart" I had prayed for for so very long! He is such a treasure and a blessing to me! But he is growing up WAY too fast and I see the day approaching when he will be gone and on his own in this big old world and I'M NOT READY!
I can't tell him that, I have to help, teach and let him become the man he is meant to be. Oh, but my heart is bleeding watching him grow up and knowing my time is growing shorter and shorter that he will still be "mine".
Seventeen years goes by too fast! I'm selfish and want more time! I didn't know that I would start missing him long before he even left! But every time he talks about what he wants to do and where he wants to go after he graduates...my heart breaks a little more.
Happy Birthday my Darling Son! May we enjoy your last year of High School more than all the others put together!
I can't tell him that, I have to help, teach and let him become the man he is meant to be. Oh, but my heart is bleeding watching him grow up and knowing my time is growing shorter and shorter that he will still be "mine".
Seventeen years goes by too fast! I'm selfish and want more time! I didn't know that I would start missing him long before he even left! But every time he talks about what he wants to do and where he wants to go after he graduates...my heart breaks a little more.
Happy Birthday my Darling Son! May we enjoy your last year of High School more than all the others put together!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Caring
Last night and today are a turn around for our family! The kids have spent the last 3 years taking care of me. But last night Andrew got the fastest cold I have ever seen! He was fine and 10 min. later his throat and nose was burning, he was running a fever, he had no voice, eyes and nose running, coughing... miserable! I gave him medicine and put him to bed where he slept for an hour or so and woke up even worse. So I was up all night with him. Pushing fluids, herbal teas, vitamins, giving vapor rub foot rubs...At 7:30am Mathew staggers in and same symptoms, with a whisper of a voice, my "Not even an Aspirin" boy said, "Mom, do you have ANYTHING I can take? I am sooo sick!" Herb tea was already made and I started the night over again with sick child/man #2. I hate that they are sick with every fiber of my being! BUT, I must admit that as painful and exhausting as it is...I am thankful for a chance to do for my kids a small portion of what they have done for me! The last three years have been so very hard on our family in so very many ways because of my health. It has changed the dynamics of our day to day life. It has been, and still is a very humiliating and humbling place to be, having to watch your family do what you should and WANT to do so very bad, on top of their own day to day busy lives.
It takes away all shreds of pride to be totally dependent on others for the very food, drink, socks, pillow, shower, hair-washing, etc. of simple day to day life that we all take for granted.
It is an experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and yet I still have such joy and peace in God! And such love and giving from my family! I hate that it has been so very hard on my husband and kids. This is the very last thing I would have imagined or wished for my family. "I" had other plans for what I was going to do with my kids during these few precious years before they are grown and gone. But for some reason. God has a better and different plan. I don't understand it, my husband doesn't understand it. My children for sure don't understand it! And while they love me, care for me and give to me with their whole hearts...understandably, sometimes they resent carrying such a heavy load and being "stuck" with doing all of my work plus theirs and having to babysit Mom all the time.
But they have done it with such sweet spirits for so very long! I am just thankful that God has given me the strength last night and today to give a tiny portion back in return and once again feel like "Momma" again instead of a helpless patient.
Now, I just pray my "babies" get well SOON!! I hate seeing them suffer!
It takes away all shreds of pride to be totally dependent on others for the very food, drink, socks, pillow, shower, hair-washing, etc. of simple day to day life that we all take for granted.
It is an experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and yet I still have such joy and peace in God! And such love and giving from my family! I hate that it has been so very hard on my husband and kids. This is the very last thing I would have imagined or wished for my family. "I" had other plans for what I was going to do with my kids during these few precious years before they are grown and gone. But for some reason. God has a better and different plan. I don't understand it, my husband doesn't understand it. My children for sure don't understand it! And while they love me, care for me and give to me with their whole hearts...understandably, sometimes they resent carrying such a heavy load and being "stuck" with doing all of my work plus theirs and having to babysit Mom all the time.
But they have done it with such sweet spirits for so very long! I am just thankful that God has given me the strength last night and today to give a tiny portion back in return and once again feel like "Momma" again instead of a helpless patient.
Now, I just pray my "babies" get well SOON!! I hate seeing them suffer!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
FAITH
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Night Time Ramblings
It is weird, because we haven't even been around each other, but I love Janet so much, I feel like Dailee is my niece also and so I am as excited when big things happen in her life as when they happen in Janet's or my Brother and Sister's kids lives. I'm kinda weird that way I guess. That's why my ex-mother-in-law is still my best friend 14 years later! Tonight I feel like my Granny, who sat up in KY by her self, way into the night waiting for me to call and tell her that my baby that we had prayed for for 7 years had finally arrived! It was wee hours of the morning when I called and she was sitting there waiting, wanted every little detail about him and cried when I told her that it was a boy and his name was Mathew! .....Wow! I am way to nostalgic tonight!! Can you tell that everything is hitting me at once? Today (11th) was my brothers 45th birthday and we had a wonderful conversation. I'm watching my kids grow up too fast! My oldest son went on his own (long story why) and picked out, got the money from Dad, bargained with the lady, and bought our family a car today!! He is playing music in a Senior recital tomorrow night that he didn't "think" to tell us about, because it is "no big deal". My sister is getting married in Oct.!! I thought we were all going, but now...(see new car above) who knows, it may just be me going to TX. I'm so old my wrinkles have warts and my grey hair is turning silver! I asked a photo aging program to age my picture to show me what I would look like when I was 70 and it said it didn't do reverse aging! LOL See, this is what I do when I can't sleep. I write nonsense until I can start laughing at myself or I fall asleep. It's not griping or complaining, it is just the way my brain works. I type one sentence and a word in that one makes me think of something else and so I type that...and on it goes. No rhyme or reason, just me having a conversation with myself! SCARY!! Now when my Mom and/or my Sisters are around, we do this with and for each other...only we don't have to actually finish the whole sentence because we all already know what the others are thinking and talking about. And it makes my Dad CRAZY!!! It has for years! He gets so frustrated. "Why didn't you finish?" I never know what you are saying, because one will start a sentence and another will nod and say I know and take off another direction then before they finish someone else jumps in, and just when I think I'm going to hear a full sentence you all jump to the END of a different one and you all yell it together!! No one can follow that! I don't think you all have a clue what you are talking about! You are just doing that on purpose to make me nuts!"
Wow! I am looking at this book I have written and think I will copy and post it to my Blog instead as an Aud Rambling...this is just too much for Facebook! Night!
Wow! I am looking at this book I have written and think I will copy and post it to my Blog instead as an Aud Rambling...this is just too much for Facebook! Night!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)